I promised to tell about estate handling of my ex-husband's estate as a divorcee.
This may be boring so be warned.
Since I have been both a divorcee and a widow – in my opinion widowhood is much better. Although I would have avoided both if given the choice.
My first husband, Rod, died of malignant melanoma on March 5, 1982. He had no will. We had been divorced for less than a year. There was no one else in the state to handle things and since our children were inheriting, I was chosen. The other option was his girlfriend.
I tried to use Rod’s lawyer, the one he used in our divorce, but all he could talk about was the divorce and how I wouldn’t be getting the money. When I asked how long it would be before money was available to pay Rod’s bills, he assumed I meant MY bills, not Rod’s.
I had been very cooperative during the divorce. He had said so. So I fired him.
I had paid a lawyer $60. to look at the divorce papers. He made some suggestions that would be an advantage to Rod. He didn’t notice that the agreement said what would happen if I died but did not mention what would happen if Rod died. I didn’t notice that either. I’m not a lawyer. So I didn’t feel he would be of much help.
The next lawyer I picked by finding one who wasn’t downtown where I had to pay to park. He was a former judge, about 7 feet tall with lots of bushy white hair.
When I sat on the chair in his office my feet didn’t touch the floor. That should have given me a clue. I learned later that he had been fired as a judge for keeping fees he charged for performing weddings. There must have been more to it than that but that’s all that was reported.
He got me named executrix then told me I couldn’t be the legal guardian of my children’s money because I was a divorcee. Apparently, in Ohio, divorcee’s can’t be trusted to look after their children’s money. A married woman would have been allowed to assume both jobs. He said he would arrange a guardian for their money.
I waited a few weeks to hear from him, then I called. He gave me a name of another lawyer who would take the job of guardian. I called the other lawyer. He had no idea what I was talking about. He joked that I might be accusing him of fathering my children. A real winner.
I made an appointment and went to see the guy I had hired. I asked about the guardian and I suggested that the children’s money be put into an interest bearing account while the estate was settled.
He announced – in a voice that would have worked well in the movie - The Ten Commandments – that he couldn’t work with someone who wanted to tell him how to do his job.
I fired him. I felt like I was firing Moses.
He refused to give me the papers until I paid him and he refused to accept a check, so I went to the bank and brought him cash to pay his bill and get my papers.
My next lawyer venture was with Hyatt which is a chain of legal offices. On my first visit I noticed that the receptionist was wearing jeans and a sweat shirt. My kind of office, finally.
Things dragged on from there for quite a while. The lawyer I got had never dealt with probate court before. I searched thru his books while he pondered how to handle things.
The ultimate solution to the guardian problem was to name my oldest child, recently turned 18, as guardian of the others money.
Of course, the youngest one used that information to claim I couldn’t tell her what to do.
The estate got settled eventually. The time frame also included my Father’s death.
The company Rod worked for had never dealt with a death in their company before. At first they called and said they would continue the health insurance on the children for six weeks. I hadn’t had any health insurance for several months. I was working for Manpower, a temporary agency.
Later they called and increased the time they would cover the children to six months. I thanked them very much.
As September 5 (the six month limit on the kids health insurance) neared, I found a permanent full time job starting August 16 – with health insurance for the kids and me.
I know my new boss thought I was crazy since I asked if we were covered by insurance about three times that first day. I worked at that place for 15 years. There aren’t many jobs like that around anymore. I was very lucky.
There were other problems involved – like emptying his apartment. I had a lot of help with that from my Sister and a gentleman friend I had met six months after becoming single.
That gentleman friend became husband number two eventually.
I also had Rod’s new car to sell. The bank wanted to repossess it since the estate couldn’t afford to make the payments on it. Things were moving so slowly there was no actual cash available for a long time.
I had to do some fast talking to get them to let me sell it for what was owed rather than let them auction it off and the estate still owe the difference between the auction price and the loan.
They agreed to take off all late charges when I was able to send them a couple of payments from Rod’s income tax refund, the first cash the estate got.
I eventually sold it to a minister for his daughter. I had told him why the price was firm, that it was part of an estate. He didn’t believe me. He kept arguing for less money. I held firm. The deal was finally made, at my price.
We met at the bank that held the loan to exchange his money for the bank’s title. His check covered the exact amount owed. He was very shocked. Doesn’t say much for his trust in his fellow man or I should say “woman”.
There was also a life insurance policy on Rod that he and I had agreed I would be left as beneficiary if I paid the premiums. But the beneficiary was listed as “my wife” and the death certificate I sent them said he was single.
The insurance company hired a lawyer for my kids and was suing me on their behalf over it. So I signed the papers so the kids could have the money. I signed them the day each of the kids received a large envelope by certified mail including our divorce papers and “their” lawyers info.
There were other family problems that I won’t discuss here. It was a terrible time for the children. Each of them was handed their inheritance at age 18. None of them used it very wisely.
A psychologist explained to me that Mothers are in charge of health in a child’s mind. We kiss the booboos and put on the band-aids. So it was somehow my fault that their father had died, at least subconsciously.
I learned a lot about people, about lawyers, about myself and more than I ever wanted to know about the law. It not only discriminates against women but makes it clear that the lowest form of woman is the divorced one.
I don’t know if this law has been changed or not. I’m not a crusader, just trying to survive. But if I were to take up a cause, that law would be IT.
If this is more of a rant than a ramble. Sorry bout that.
Later….
